1. Kansas City Chiefs: Star Lotulelei, DT, Utah
Triple Nope. KC is in the business of capitalizing on their current talent. 6 Pro Bowlers on a 2-win team. The time is now. It’s QB or a trade down. KC WILL take Geno. If Pioli is retained and takes another DL in the first round, the city will implode. Literally. Jerry O’Connell is in talks of opening the sequence for SLIDERS on Main Street to suck in the Bro’s downtown if this happens. I’d L-O-V-E Star if Poe wasn’t drafted this year and is growing into his position, AND if Herm didn’t draft Dorsey and Pioli snagged Jackson. Dorsey is gone as Ripotati ‘Look at this body’ hadn’t played so well.

TL;DR: Geno freakin Smith

2. Jacksonville Jaguars: Damontre Moore, De, Texas A&M
DON’T GET FOOLED! Damontre Moore is a trap pick. Jarvis is the pick here. Jacksonville’s new GM understands talent over hype. Jarvis will be a Von Miller type of guy, only BETTER. Jacksonville is a team low on talent, high on heart. Jarvis is the beginning of the beast in the South; just in time to move to LA

3. Oakland Raiders – Bjoern Werner, DE, Florida State
No problem with this, but Star is available. Seymour and Kelly are bums. they have no respect for the game and make fun of it. Kelly is jettison to make him able to buy that Lincoln dealership he had his eye on. Star will lock the middle down in a division that is stacked at RB (Mathews, Moreno/McGahee, Charles)

4. Philadelphia Eagles – Luke Joeckel, OT, Texas A&M
This is it. Eagles suck at everything. This is the first step to keeping Foles from not collapsing, a bit of OLine reshuffling, and they’re back as an NFC(B)East contender. That and get rid of DRC and Nnamdi. Neither can play man, zone ’em out or cut your loses.

5. Carolina Panthers – Johnathan Hankins, DT, Ohio State
It’s done. They have NOBODY other that a bunch of no names on the line.

6. Tennessee Titans – Barkevious Mingo, DE, LSU
Mingo is too light to play here. He needs to add some serious beef or we’re looking at Warmack. CJ.9k needs lanes. They’re line is horrible for Locker. They’re stacked at RB, WR and secure at LB.

7. Detroit Lions – Dee Milliner, CB, Alabama
Yes please. The Honey Badger will be available in Round 2, and we saw what StL did with questionable CBs that got booted . Lewan or the G/C/T from Alabama. Shore the line up, get rid of the wop at Center, hello Wildcard.

8. Arizona Cardinals – Geno Smith, QB, West Virginia
NO. Chefs have Geno. Vick cannot be a consideration – I’d rather have Alex Smith or Fitzpatrick over him to bridge the gap to next year. I’m blown away at the lack of futility the ‘Whiz’ has had in recent drafts. OLine must be addressed. That or it’s Mingo as a Rush OLB.

9. San Diego Chargers – Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan
Good pick Todd. That’s it. Good pick. Rivers has always been over-rated. Their LBs Suck. Their CBs suck. Their OLine Sucks. Their WRs suck. Their RBs Suck. Good job AJ Smith, squandering their talent. As a Chiefs fan, I hope they trade their first pick for Michael Vick. The team, as a whole will enter the suck-void of the late-90’s. Enjoy being the Browns for the next decade!

10. Cleveland Browns – Chance Warmack, G, Alabama
Holy Shit. The Browns are the Bizarro-Steelers. They have all the talent in their division, just cannot seem to put it together. Weeden is Dilfer. Trent is a top 5 RB, their WR’s have the potential to be elite. Their Defense can be insanely good. After focusing on Defense, Warmack would be perfect, I’d like to see a tackle (Matthews/Joekel) to hold down the right side to give them Thomas a bookend to murder the NORTH for years. Again, they need to double-dip and grab a Guard/Center in FA or draft. Round 2 needs a pass rusher, which there are plenty of in this draft.

11. Buffalo Bills – Manti Te’o, ILB, Notre Dame
Manti hears this and decides to get his Master’s. WTF?! The Bills are stacked on D. Their Line on the outside needs help, as well as WR. Hunter from Tennessee goes to Buffalo. Why? Stevie is tired of playing FIFA by himself.